The picture above is my mom and her husband, Mark. There is a lot of writing to do about my mom. I don't think narcissist really explains her. It's more like demon wrapped in flesh. I know, she looks so cute and sweet but, That, is not the case! You must serve and worship this woman! She loves to spend money, A champaign brunch for her friends could cost what I call a small fortune. She needs to flaunt the fact that she is wealthy!!

   I told you that I really have no memory of my mother during the pre-breakup years. She just didn't exist. Beating after beating and I have nothing, no memory of mom. I became needed after the breakup. Mom needed a babysitter. And this is where I start knowing my mother is actually alive. So, I did what any decent son would do. Gave up a couple of teen years to watch over my brother and sister. A totally thankless job to say the least, it was just expected. You will supply a narcissist!!

   Crazy but, ever since I started working on this website I can't stop throwing up. The acid my stomach is producing has been unreal!! I'm going to finish this even if it kills me, I want to be with Jesus Anyway!!! Should it work the way I hope it will I want everybody to know, you are not the only person out there who had sick family!!Narcissism is a personality disorder that can't be controlled or cured, and they only get sicker as they get older! The fact of the matter is that they can't feel anything. They have no idea what love is and won't make the effort to get help but, they will tell you it's your fault. You deserve it for something, anything. It's always your fault. you are your own worst enemy. They can do no wrong.

   I'm the babysitter now.  Still providing a service. once my brother got to be old enough to stay with my sister I was gone. I stole a bike, the only bike I ever stole so I sent away, one kid down!! I just wasn't needed anymore. She was well aware that my father was a very abusive man but, she didn't care. She wanted to lighten her load. I'm probably the only child that remembers when she was poor and the only child that would do anything for mom back then. She cried on my shoulders like I was a adult, able to handle it. So many times, she would sit on her bed, call me to her room and whine and cry about my dad. I don't think she ever once looked in the mirror. She needed to deflect, place blame. God knows it couldn't possibly be that there was something wrong with her!!

  Backing up a little, living in Swell, N.J. my grandparents on my mother's side would come up about once a year to visit and they always brought Micheal, mom's younger brother. He was several years older then. me but, much younger then, my mother. She was the oldest. This one is pretty tough. Anyway, every time the came to visit my mother made Mike, bunk in my room. Guess what happened, I got molested. And it happened every year after that until I finally had the courage to stand up to him. Some years later I found out that my Uncle Eddie molested Mike. My mother knew about all of this. So, like so many kids like me do I did some juvenile time. But, while I was in Las Podrinos, juvenile hall a Chaplain took interest in me, just couldn't understand why I was there. I met with him weekly and knew he was a good man with a great heart! I went on through the system and finally ended up at Camp Paige. In the hills of L.A. County. I'm not real sure how but, he knew when my and I were being released and took Dave and I camping at Pismo Beach C.A. It was there on that beach that I finally talked about being molested. When we got back from the trip this man was very excited, finally made the breakthrough to save me and couldn't wait to tell my mother. He did tell mom and she told him to never speak about this again and to get the Hell out of her house! And I stood there Like I had just been punched in the face!! I could not believe my mom's reaction and thought she might actually care. Man was I wrong!! Afterwards, she told me that Eddie screwed Mike, and Mke screwed me. Comforting, isn't it? To get over it, she didn't think it was a big deal!! Those were horrifying words to hear, and she would never discuss it again. She protected the offender because it would have reflected on her and that was simply unacceptable!! but, one thought still haunts me. She knew what Eddie did to Mike. Was she actually, hoping Mike would do the same to me? I'll never know but, I have my suspicions!!

   She sends me to live with dad after the bicycle incident and dad was dad, always looking for reasons to hit. But, one day he comes to me and tells me to get dressed, I was having supper with my siblings and mother. He knew what was going on, he just didn't tell me. So. the four of us all go to a restaurant for dinner and my mom informs me that they were flying to California the next morning and wanted to know if I was going with her or staying with dad. I was playing football for Gateway Regional High and this cute little girlfriend named Kim and it was absolutely impossible to make a decision like that over supper, so I was abandoned. She left me with my dad and boy did his anger grow!!! Beatings became a routine thing! Then there was a standoff in the kitchen, and I lost dad, forever. Still no mom in sight.

   I have got friends telling me to shut this site down. That it's just to, hard but, I think I'm already to far invested to quit now!! There are other people who had family like mine and these people are not alone in the pain they feel, and the grief!!

   So, after I was left behind over supper and my sister, brother and mother flew out the next morning I was left with a very angry father. He acted like he cared but, God knows his life didn't change at all. He loved his boats and his buddies, way more then, he ever loved me. That has yet to change.

   It wasn't real, long after they left that, things between my father and I really went to Hell!! A black eye of mine, kept Kim and myself, from going to school. She actually ditched school with me because she knew how ashamed I was to go to school. 

   And not very long after that the standoff happened, and I think I scared my father pretty bad. He called all over town to get me home because I had left a pair of socks on my bedroom floor. Finally tracking me down at Lucia's house, Kim's Cousin. I knew what he wanted. It was time for him to vent, again. And tonight, he had an audience. His roommate Bill was home and sitting at the kitchen table. Of course, my dad started to come after me. And by then I was so, so tired of all the beatings! He came at me and I grabbed a large knife out of the drainboard. He picked up a kitchen chair and I told him not to miss, that he had to sleep sometime! He decided to leave for three days and when he came back, I was escorted from home by the Police Department. Things got very interesting after that!!

   The next, page: call the Harvey's is where mother started doing her work.